Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year 2013!

Happy New Year to all from Rice, Beans and Razor Blades!

Monday, December 24, 2012

A Heartwarming Christmas tale: Randolph, The Burned-up Reindeer.


Now listen, my children, And you shall hear Of the famous big toe Of Randolph Reindeer.

'Twas the night before Christmas When into the bar,

Randolph says Hi, bitches!
 Strode Randolph the Reindeer With a big, long cigar.

As he stood there and snarled, Like a big, ugly cur, 

The ashes he flicked off,

Burned right through his fur.

Randolph stood staunchly, As he burst into flames, 

But the rest of the reindeer Just called him bad names.

Randolph stayed quite, His steel nerves unjarred, 

But except for his tailbone, His body soon charred.

Then the room quickly filled With a warm, friendly glow,

That came not from friendship. But from Randolph's big toe.

Just then, in came Santa, And he saved the day

By saying to Randolph,"Would you guide my sleigh?"

When Randolph consented, The reindeer all cheered, 

And even old SantaGave a smile through his beard.

So they flew through the skies In the blinding white snow, And were guided by 

Randolph's Smoldering big toe.

And so, if you spy In the thick underbrush, A hunk of burnt toenail, lost in the rush...

Just think of poor Randolph As he flies through the air, With a rancid cigar And a clump of 

burnt hair.

Happy Festivus and a Bah Humbug to all!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

An end of year rant!





Hello all! The new and improved "Rice, Beans and Razor Blades" will be coming starting January 2013. 

Now a few comments on the happenings of the past few weeks.
"La Comay" and "The Lambon"

Every week, a new fresh outrage has captivated our already tired and overflowing minds. Jose Enrique's assassination in Caguas, for which four teenagers have been accused. Of course, the crime was horrible enough. Then Kobbo Santarossa with "La Comay" made the situation explosive with comments implying that he brought that on himself, for picking the killers in Padial St. in Caguas. I actually don't watch "La Comay", so I really don't give a flying fuck what a foam rubber doll says about anybody. What caught my attention was the reaction, no, overreaction by both sides for and against "La Comay". The boycott is stupidity at it's finest. Puertorricans are a contentious lot, usually for the wrong reasons and causes. This boycott and the defenders of "La Comay" are, in my view, a bunch of fucking jerks with too much time on their hands. Fuck them both! If you want to boycott "La Comay", it's easy. DON'T WATCH THE GODDAMNED SHOW!!!!. And if you watch, THEN GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!!! 

Two (soon to be) dickless wonders.
Then there's these two fucking twits that murdered the foster mother of one of them, just because mommy did not let him use the car. What kind of person murders the only human being that loves you unconditionally, no matter what, and while she was sleeping, compounding their cowardice. An asshole, that's who! I hope both these little bitches get gang raped in prison, have their balls and dicks cut off and become the prison bitches! Death is too good for them! MAY THEY PULL A TRAIN ON YOU, BITCHES!!!!

Adam Lanza, COD player and all around Fuckhead!



At this point, my outrage was at a boiling point, when news came out of Newtown, Conn. that another crazy stupid cunt called Adam Lanza, killed his mother while she was sleeping, (See how cowards act the same all over.) and then went on a killing spree inside Sandy Hook Elementary, killing 26 people, 20 of them little innocent children. Wow, what a man Adam Lanza was. I don't care if he was autistic or what the fuck he was, if he wanted to go in blaze of infamy, why didn't he go to a drug-trafficking controlled neighborhood and shot the drug dealers there. He would have died, but at least some good would have come out of it. I guess six year olds were a better target for a coward like him. They don't shoot back. ROT IN HELL ASSHOLE!!!!!



The lovely couple...
And to top this off, comes news this week that an irresponsible couple (she, a girl that can't keep her legs closed, he, a federal fugitive and all around abuser), that drowned their little five month old in milk, and covered their crime by putting the little body in the fridge, for a week! What they were thinking?!? To cook it in Christmas?!? Jeebus! That's why I believe in Parenting Licences, to be given at the DMV or CHS office. If you prove that you are a fit parent in a series of tests and exams with test baby dummies, before you get married. If you can take care of a baby, then you get a license, renewable every six years. If your are irresponsible or abusive, your license gets revoked. No contact with that child or to rear any other. I know it's a crazy idea, then again, it's better than my alternative of stripping the flesh off them before presenting them to a bunch of hungry mountain lions. The whole affair will be televised and transmitted on the Internet. HOPE BOTH YOU GET ASS RAPED IN PRISON!!!!!

With all of this, I would like to end this rant with the following...

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY 2013 TO ALL, FROM RICE BEANS AND RAZOR BLADES!

I really hope that 2013 is better than this crappy year has been.

And I'm out of here...

MAX.