Now listen, my children, And you shall hear Of the famous big toe Of Randolph Reindeer.
'Twas the night before Christmas When into the bar,
|Randolph says Hi, bitches!|
Strode Randolph the Reindeer With a big, long cigar.
As he stood there and snarled, Like a big, ugly cur,
The ashes he flicked off,
Burned right through his fur.
Randolph stood staunchly, As he burst into flames,
But the rest of the reindeer Just called him bad names.
Randolph stayed quite, His steel nerves unjarred,
But except for his tailbone, His body soon charred.
Then the room quickly filled With a warm, friendly glow,
That came not from friendship. But from Randolph's big toe.
Just then, in came Santa, And he saved the day
By saying to Randolph,"Would you guide my sleigh?"
When Randolph consented, The reindeer all cheered,
And even old SantaGave a smile through his beard.
So they flew through the skies In the blinding white snow, And were guided by
Randolph's Smoldering big toe.
And so, if you spy In the thick underbrush, A hunk of burnt toenail, lost in the rush...
Just think of poor Randolph As he flies through the air, With a rancid cigar And a clump of
Happy Festivus and a Bah Humbug to all!