This is not Downtown Orlando...This is GUAYNABO!!! (Or Wowbeet, badly translated.)

Madness and stupidity always go hand in hand in this our strange little piece of land on this part of the world
It seem that now, the rage among New Progressive Party mayors is to translate the street names, common traffic signs and towns to English, a language that the majority of the people in this island may understand, but not speak fluently and, here comes the punchline, the majority of the mayors don't even understand the language themselves. The guy who came up with this stupendous idea, mayor Hector O'Neill of Guaynabo, don't even know how to speak the language of Shakespeare! And all the signs in his town are in English!!! If you ask the guy what does he do for a living, he will probably say..."I live in Guaynabo!"

Wot! Forsooth!!! Egad!!!!

So in order to mantain this stupidity alive,and to have a few laughs at other peoples expense, we happy few here at the Les'Shyerar Laboratories and Fried Chicken Shack have come up with a few suggestions for translating towns and counties in Puerto Rico, so our bretheren will gasp in astonishment and our benevolent overlords in the Metropolis will LTAO (Laugh Their Asses Off!).

Original - Translation

Puerto Rico - Rich Port
San Juan - Saint John
San Lorenzo - Saint Lawrence
Bayamón - HeyMon!
Guayama - ScratchMore or ScratchMom
Loíza - LowRaise
Ponce - Ponce is Ponce. The rest is parking space!
Aguadilla - Little water
Aguada- Big water
Toa Baja - All Down
Toa Alta - All Up
Guaynabo - WowBeet!
Santa Isabel - Saint Elizabeth
Juana Díaz - Joan Days
Río Piedras - Stone River
Vega Alta - High Valley
Vega Baja - Low Valley
Isla de Culebra - Snake Island (This sounds like something out of a GI-JOE Cartoon!)
Isla de Mona - Female Chimp Island
Isla de Monito - Little Chimp Island
Isla de Desecheo - Refuse Island
Isla de Caja de Muerto - Casket Island
Isla de Gilligan - Hey! That's too easy! And yes, one of our little islands is called "Gilligan's Island"!

So have fun and see how many stupid names you can come up with. maybe in four years you'll become Mayor!

Toodles!

Photo: Carlos Giusti / Primera Hora